Craft Beer

Up The Windsor Road … and more Craft Beers

“I’m Tony Packard from Tony Packard Holden, just up the Windsor Road from Baulkham Hills and let me get it right for yoooooouuuuuuu!”

Yes it WAS the golden age of television. If you wanted to make an impact there was only one way to do it. Cheap, loud and ubiquitous. For those who are too young (or sadly too old) to remember, Tony Packard was … ahh bugger it … google him and find out for yourself. Actually, You Tube him and see for yourself and while I’m at it, thank you to those thoughtful videotape operators who recorded hours of television commercial breaks from the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s that remind us so vividly of our chain smoking, beer guzzling, pantyhose wearing, sexist, non-stick selves. “Where do you hide your Coolabah? Stuffed down my Razzamatazz, if you don’t mind.”

But I digress ( funny that). I never made a commercial for Tony Packard, though I did meet him once. Thoroughly obsessed with his own self image, he confided that the real reason people journeyed up the aforementioned two lane track was not to buy a car, but to meet him and no doubt bathe in his self constructed celebrity. A short, unsuccessful career in politics followed, then fraud charges, bankruptcy, finding Jesus as the true saviour, the usual story. He did marry a Penthouse Pet however. Wonder how that’s going?

He was of course one of many. “Owner Drivers” we called them. Here’s a list that comes to mind.

Ron Hodgson ‘Update with…”,

Chris Marshall from Chris Marshall Pianos and Organs “and as Donna and I say …..”

(Father) John Cootes,

Bailey McBride (I wonder what happened to poor little Shona),

the Little Do-er, “Tell ’em the price son!”

Pete from PG Interiors. A personal favourite, Pete would disport himself on a fake leatherette ( yes FAKE leatherette) lounge, silk shirt open to the navel revealing a fatal solarium tan and a relief map of gold chains.  A couple of hired bimbos would ruffle his coiff and he’d yell at us! Yes yell! No doubt to wake us from our late night TV slumber. I often wonder what happened to Pete. No I don’t.

I’m sure that you will have your own favourites to add to the list. This is incumbent upon you being, a) of appropriate age and b) a resident of the Sydney Metropolitan Area. If not, then you will have no idea what or who I’m talking about. Owner Drivers are by nature a local phenomenon. Each city or indeed good size town had one …. or several hundred in the case of Melbourne. In the days when regional television networks existed ( I think there were more than 40 at one time) each regional centre had its own Owner Driver, his face beaming at you from a billboard welcoming you to Dubbo or Goulburn or Narrabri or The Big Pineapple, because he was usually the Mayor as well as the local Toyota Dealer.

Indeed this spray will only resonate with my own offspring and anyone else who grew up within the broadcast footprint of WIN4 Wollongong if I mention, “Windang Road in Windang”, “Mitchell’s Fruits and Snowy River Meats …” and the perennial favourites, “Tank World ….. World of Tanks” and (insert business name here) Doing it Right for You! Some of you may have detected a musical meter in the preceding prose and you would be right. Wollongong prides itself on its musical pedigree having given us …. um …. no that’s Newcastle isn’t.

Anyway, that’s not what I was talking about. The Windsor Road and going up it. Did so last week. Well in fact it was the OLD Windsor Road as opposed to the Windsor Road. The Old Windsor Road being newer makes it just a little more confusing but it all makes sense when I explain that our destination was The Australian Brewery at Rouse Hill soon to be the demographic centre of Sydney ( if they can get a train to it). And fittingly so. The Australian Brewery is a cracker! Extraordinary Craft Beers and fabulous food. which make it the ideal setting for our second episode of “It’s The Beer Talking, with Doug Anderson.”

Doug’s guest this Ep was his old Fairfax sparring mate and host of Fox Sport’s The Back Page, Tony Twinkle* Squires. The two make spectacular company, aided and abetted by Neal Cameron’s superb craft beer tasting menu. Keep watching this space for details regarding the premiere of the series. In the meantime, some more craft beers that I’m sure even Neal couldn’t imagine ….

FIVE MORE VERY CRAFTY BEERS

Landing Strip.
Brazilian Brewing Company, Sao Paolo.
Following hard on the heels of their mega successful Bikini Wax Pale Ale comes this golden Pilsener Style Beer sure to be big on the beaches this summer. Tendency to get a little yeasty if not cellared carefully but definitely worth a try!

Very (very) Pale Ale.
Emo Brewing Company, Newtown NSW.
Best avoided altogether
Rum, Sodomy & The Lash.
Last Hussars Brewery, Sandhurst U.K.
A Dark Red India Pale Ale with Chocolate undertones. Best in the company of Old Etonians, a sturdy Vindaloo and handful of supplicant coolies (preferably in Hyderabad or out of sight of the wife!)

Sticky Date Amber Ale.
Colo-Rectal Brewing Company. Missenden Road, Camperdown NSW
Recovered from its disastrous Get a Date up your Date promotion campaign of 2011
( the enema angle was never going to catch on), this traditional if somewhat viscous Abbey Style Ale maintains a loyal following. Definitely an acquired taste but if you can handle it “coming out the way it went in” this could be the Ale for you.
Must work harder on the slogans! (Ed.)

 Push Your Stool In?  Extremely Bright Ale.
Fabulous Brewing Co. Darlinghurst NSW
A hit at this years Mardi Gras with its fruity undertones and Amyl Nitrate Nose.
The Fab Boys are looking to crack the export market so watch this space! As ever “the Stool” as its become known, is best with a little bronzer, chaps and a back, sack and crack wax!

* Watch The Episode to find out why www.itsthebeertalking.com.au

Neal Cameron, Tony Squires, Doug Anderson & David Ward getting down to business.

Neal Cameron, Tony Squires, Doug Anderson & David Ward getting down to business.

Five Craft Beers you’ve possibly never tasted

Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer.
Henry Lawson

The great Australian poet, chronicler of the bush and out-swing bowler makes a salient point. There is something just a little awry in our DNA that is quickly remedied by the great social lubricant. In fact, this underlines the fallacy that is “intelligent design” or Creationism. If indeed we were created by a divine being, then why the hell do we need beer? Ipso facto the existence of beer could well be the divine proof we’ve been seeking all these millennia. I’ll take it up with George Pell next time he drops by The Harold Park for a schooner or two.

Why this sudden interest in beer, I hear you ask.
What do you mean sudden, I hear from the back of the room.
Very well I’ll come clean.

We at Seeing Things are about to embark on a Web Series focusing on Beer.
Not just the stuff, which as you are no doubt aware, comes in an ever more astounding array of “craft” brews. In fact I was about to suggest that every man and his dog could brew a beer these days, but I’ve just discovered he already has.

Where was I? Oh yes, NOT just the stuff, but what goes on around it. The chat, the humour, the flirting, the politics, the hogwash, the beer goggles, the solution to everything wrong with the world. All taking place every day of the year (except maybe good Friday – yet another hole in the Creationist argument) in the comfort and shelter of some of the most interesting and invariably singular structures ever erected in this country. I speak of Pubs of course. What is it about a Pub that makes it the great social leveler?

I mean, if Tony Abbot walked into your local and offered to buy you a beer you would probably say, “Umm…okay then”.
Not that you’d buy him one back ’cos he only drinks middies of light and as everyone knows, people who drink light beer get more enjoyment out of pissing then they do drinking.

So to the series, which is yet un-named but will contain an infinite number of beers, veteran scribe and much loved TV critic Doug Anderson and an assortment of people you’d just love to knock back a couple with.

In the meantime, I’ve been hard at work collating some of the more rare and exotic Craft Brews that may ( or may not) be gracing a Tap near you.

Toad Grobbler.
Buffo Brewing Company. Moisty Lane Staffordshire U.K.
A cloudy, unfiltered and somewhat yeasty Belgian Style beer “spawned” rather than brewed with imported sugar cane tailings from North Queensland. Best on an empty stomach – with a bucket handy. Keep your eye out for their Warty Newt Lager, coming soon.

Sloppy Seconds.
Two Fat Chicks Brewery, Bogan Queensland.
What more can we say!
Four Gold Medals at the Minto International Beer Fest & Burn Out! Not to everyone’s taste but certainly popular within its demographic. Best with meat……any meat.

Nun’s Nasty. Very Dark Ale.
Sisters of Perpetual Incontinence, North Piddle Abbey, Worcestershire.
A traditional Porter Style Brew known for its resonant bitter palate and smoked haddock after-tones. Residue can be a bit of a shock.

“Barbara Cartland” Pink Lager.
Olde Queene Brewery, Nether Wallop, Hertfordshire U.K.
An outwardly demure, somewhat coquettish, fizzy crowd pleaser – harboring thrusting, turgid protuberances for those who can stick with it.
Best with a Bex and a good lie down

Scrawny Cock I.P.A.
No Fixed Address, Bellingen N.S.W.
Last of the original Boutique Brews to holdout against the majors, its leathery texture, over abundance of tannins and trademark “reflux” render it virtually un-drinkable. Yet “The Cock” stands as a sentinel for a tradition of brewers who try, fail and for reasons known only to themselves – persist.

…..and there’s more where that came from!

Cheers,
Mark Leonard
One of the people who are Seeing Things

And if you are really serious about Beer and Hospitality check out Clyde Mooney’s excellent industry E-Zine, PubTIC > www.pubtic.com.au